It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Actions speak louder than pants.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
