I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Then you guys just all showered together...?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
