Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize