careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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