he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
