Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
