I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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