she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
