never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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