Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
