the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's no shave November. This is our time.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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