I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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