Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
