There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
