If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think your dad took our porno
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
