the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
