Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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