I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
