she looked like the before picture.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize