If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
