If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
