that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
