Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize