As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
