so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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