Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just puked most of my soul out..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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