i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
