i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
