I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the day after is always just damage control
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
