Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
