Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
