If i come over, it means nothing
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
