I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
