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Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Randomize
