Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
