I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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