Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
