Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize