I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
