I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
