we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
