drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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