he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
