it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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