That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
