Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Even my vagina gasped.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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