This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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