i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
