My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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