Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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