no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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