can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
