You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
