i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
