so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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