I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
