this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
