I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize