Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
