As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
