He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
