My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
