Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
