saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Holy sore nipples Batman
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
