he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
