Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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