walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
