How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
smell my finger.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
