How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
