apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
