just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
