I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think I died a long time ago.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
