At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
